How I try (and fail!) to understand fullness cues
Giving yourself the freedom to actually feel full goes completely against diet culture beliefs.
I’m in the process of trying to cook through my pantry and freezer (I feel like I’m always in this process), and last night I decided to throw together a noodle stir fry. I used a package of pre-marinated chicken thighs, frozen green beans, and dried ramen noodles, mixed together with some chili oil and soy sauce — which my husband said was definitely “not enough sauce” — with dollops of chili crisp on top. With steaming bowls of noodle stir fry, we sat down in front of the TV and watched Seinfeld (side note, why does Susan have to die so abruptly??) and when the episode was over, my husband picked up the bowls and noticed that I had one lone piece of chicken left in mine.
“Seriously, you couldn’t eat that?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m full!”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s just one bite!”
I shrug, knowing that if I even ate that “just one bite” I would probably regret how I felt. And unlike my husband, I revoked my membership from the Clean Plate Club long ago.
Understanding my fullness has been a pretty long journey for me, one that I think I’m still journeying through. And if you are willing, today we will journey together and look at some of the lies we believe about fullness and the eating practices that can actually benefit our health — and our happiness.
Some common (toxic) beliefs about fullness
This list could probably go on forever, but for the sake of my finger muscles, I’ll just dive into four that are particularly triggering for me.
Belief #1: You should always feel a little hungry.
In times of dieting, this is always the motto I thought I had to live by. If I wanted to truly get skinny, I needed to eat the small, carefully-portioned container in front of me and just suffer through the hunger for the rest of the day. Teaching youth to eat less instead of teaching them how to eat well is honestly a crime. And we can’t sit around and point fingers at our parents or grandparents or guardians — I mean, they’re just doing the same toxic dieting practices as the rest of us. Instead, it’s an institutional problem. We’re letting advertisements and corporations teach us how to eat, rather than science, which actually gives us the exact tools to feel full while also taking care of our health. But that certainly doesn’t sell as well as a Slim Fast shake.
Belief #2: Think of the starving kids in Africa.
Anytime my mom told me we were having meatloaf for dinner, I knew I needed to mentally prepare myself for a long night of sitting at the table and probably crying. I truly hated meatloaf night and was only freed from it when I was in high school because I stopped eating red meat for seven years. I thought I was allergic, but deep down, I was also relieved.
Anyways, when meatloaf night came, I sat there and stared at it on my plate, wondering how I could make it disappear without having to consume it. Feeding it to the dog was way too easy; its rapid disappearance would have my parents sending up red flags. Because I ate it slowly, painfully, with tears in my eyes. Dramatic? You should have met me when I was nine.
And then, I would get the inevitable “think of the starving kids in Africa!”
So does that mean I have to clean off my entire plate? Because if I don’t, would the starving kids in Africa go dumpster diving in our trash bin and find my half-eaten slice of charred meatloaf?
Of course, I care about the starving kids in Africa, but I know now my plate on the other side of the world isn’t going to solve anything. Food is, unfortunately, wasted all the time. So if we really cared about the starving kids in Africa, we should send them the massive amount of food being thrown out by grocery stores before they “expire” and stop piling so much shame and worry on a nine-year-old’s plate.
Belief #3: Chew your food X amount of times.
This practice comes from experts who are trying to encourage you to eat slower and enjoy your food, but I highly doubt you are going to sit there and chew on a blueberry 32 times before swallowing. There are many blogs out there talking about this practice, but the actual chewing itself won’t make you feel full — it’s about slowing down to enjoy your food. Also, sitting down and counting the number of times you chew really takes away from the experience of enjoying the food in front of you…and makes us even more anal-retentive than we already are about our meals.
Belief #4: Enjoy it now, because you’ll never have it again.
Gosh, I’ve done this so many times. I would tell myself that I need to go on a diet, so I’d binge eat Mom’s tray of brownies or go in for a fourth slice of pizza. Gotta enjoy it now because my taste buds are about to be depressed for the rest of my life! Sigh, if only 15-year-old me knew.
This, of course, instilled a binge-like behavior in me when it came to food. It wasn’t a regular thing, it was only between the times that I was dieting — from one failed diet to the next. So in those in-between moments, I ate everything and anything I wanted, no matter the cost. Even if that meant filling myself to the literal brim, stuffing myself with the foods I loved. Because Monday was coming around fast.
What it actually means to be full
I know there are a lot of mixed opinions about the practice of Intuitive Eating, especially because it can easily be advertised as a program like any other. However, I do think there are a lot of golden tidbits in the book that we can learn from, and this one here pierced my soul.
“Respecting fullness, or the ability to stop eating because you have had enough to eat biologically, hinges critically on giving yourself unconditional permission to eat. How can you or any dieter expect to leave food on your plate, if you believe that you won’t be able to eat that particular food or meal again? Unless you truly give yourself permission to eat again when you are hungry or have access to that particular food, respecting fullness simply becomes a dogmatic dieting exercise without roots.”
Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribone, MS, RD & Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA, CEDRD
When I gave myself permission to finally eat, I ate everything. I just went for it. I didn’t restrict. I didn’t shame myself. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and that’s actually an Intuitive Eating practice these dietitians recommend. Because it gives you the chance to understand your hunger and fullness cues.
Yet the problem was, well, my cues sucked. I just filled my plate to the brim and enjoyed it and felt utterly sick after. Because my eyes are, unfortunately, way bigger than my stomach most days.
So what do you do to measure your cues? I’ve heard other dietitians talk about this in the past with their own tips on understanding your hunger/fullness when you eat. Some say you should feel a content nothingness. Others say you should wait 15 to 20 minutes before going for seconds to give yourself time to digest and see if you’re actually full or not.
But come on, what does a “content nothingness” actually feel like? And how do I know if I’m full unless I actually feel it?
Unfortunately, there’s not a one-size-fits-all.
Do you know how desperately I want to sit here and be like “here’s the solution you’ve been waiting for!” Because wouldn’t that be easy?
But like pretty much everything else when it comes to physical and mental health, you have to figure out what works for you. I know that’s frustratingly vague, but it’s true.
What has been my solution? I know you’re kind of curious, so I will share it. You guys know I’m a big fan of the Blue Zones and following the pattern of the longest-living people in the world. In Japan (home to Okinawa, one of the Blue Zones), they have a practice called hara hachi bu, which means “eat until you’re 80% full.”
How do I know when I’m 80% full? LOL. No idea!! But like my daily yoga practice, I’m practicing it. I’m following the plate guide my dietitian recommended to me and evaluating how I feel. Honestly, a lot of the time it’s listening to when my body says “stop” while I’m eating. I’ve gotten in tune with knowing when I’m about to go overboard, even if that means leaving one bite of chicken left in my bowl. Because when I go overboard, I feel like I want to die.
I also stop waiting until I’m ravenous in order to eat, because that’s when those eyes start thinking they can take my stomach in a boxing match. When hunger hits, even if that’s just two hours after breakfast, I eat something. No need to live by the standards of everyone else. My body needs it, and I want to take care of her!
These practices have turned me into the kind of person who leaves an extra slice of pizza or a half-eaten taco at a restaurant (yep, did both of those things this week). I want to feel good. I want to feel happy. Before, I was living in a state of thinking I needed to enjoy what was on my plate while I could, constantly in the mindset of restriction. But now knowing that I can in fact eat a slice of pizza or a taco again, that doesn’t mean I need to finish it all now. And you know what? That’s been freeing as hell.
Okay fine, let’s get all pumpkin in here.
I mean technically fall starts before we gather for our newsletter next week, and I will absolutely be celebrating Sept. 22 by taking down my fall decorations and baking a batch of these Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Oat Bars.
They could be dessert, or breakfast, or an afternoon snack with coffee or tea. Whatever your heart desires, these oat bars are here to fill them.
Have a lovely week :)