I’ve always been the kind of girl who loves to make grand plans to become a better person. In my religion, my relationships, my career, my health, even my environmental impact, I’ve always wanted to be *the best*. In 2017 I had this grand plan of going zero waste; I wanted to eliminate all of my trash to just one mason jar like that famous girl on Instagram (if you know, you know). In 2020 I decided to quit social media and deleted all of my apps, because I hated how much time I was wasting on them. In 2022 I read a book about alcohol that really freaked me out and decided to quit drinking with the guise of taking care of my long term health.
These things are all good per se, but they never lasted. Why? Recently I realized this particular habit I have of making grand gestures and plans is likely in part because I did this a lot when I was thick into following toxic diet culture. That if I quit my unhealthy lifestyle cold turkey and immediately throw out my ice cream, workout every single day, and eat salads for lunch that I would be a much better person inside and out. But the harsh change never lasted, and soon, I was back to bagels and ice cream and my general normal way of life.
I’ve always functioned as an all-or-nothing kind of girl, hence my big plans and announcements to change so much in my life. Black and white makes a lot more sense in my head than living in the gray of just trying to do my best, because I’ve never been good at balance. I’m the girl who always needed the A or to be the best at her job or to finish the workout program or to please all of my friends and family. Getting a B, or worse, a C? Not meeting my projected goals for the quarter? Quitting halfway through a workout? Setting boundaries with my people for something as silly as mental health? Never. I’m all in, 100%, all the time.
Yet I realized this mentality has been my downfall. With my health…and with pretty much everything else in my life.
Here’s my problem: If I’m not doing something at 100%, I feel like a failure. In my head, it has to be done perfectly, or it shouldn’t be done at all. I know…it’s harsh. But it’s how I’ve always functioned with everything in my life. If you don’t believe me, ask my mother.
However, when I look back on my “failures” in life, I realize that they weren’t ever really failures at all. When I went zero waste I decided to change a lot about my daily life. I bought food in recyclable materials as much as I can. I have a habit of using reusable items as much as possible—cups, containers, silicone food bags, water bottles, even menstrual products. If I’m in the city for the week I compost my food scraps, and my husband and I make an effort to use real dishes instead of the convenience of plastic or paper throwaway cups and plates. Because of all of these changes, we downgraded our trash can from a 15-gallon to a 7-gallon, which felt huge. It’s not perfect, but I know all of those efforts are making a difference.
When I gave up social media, my mental health improved, as well as my marriage. Instead of having to post everything, I was actually present. I didn’t reach for my phone every five minutes to check who liked my post or if I was missing something important. It was really liberating for the three years I went through with it. However, this year I redownloaded the apps because I knew that was my best way to find readers for my debut novel. Does that make me a failure because I went back on my word to quit? Honestly? No. I have a much healthier relationship with social media now, and very strong boundaries that I do not break. If I hadn’t quit like I did, I don’t think I would have been able to learn those things.
As for alcohol, I realized how much I missed the culture of it. There’s something special about going out to get a really nice cocktail with my husband at the end of the week, or opening up a bottle of wine with friends. Not participating started to feel strange, and while I don’t exactly love that a huge part of our culture relies on a substance for social connection, trying to be counter-cultural was just making me unhappy. Plus, I actually really love the world of wine and learning about the different grapes and regions. Similar to social media, when I decided to drink again, my relationship with it changed drastically. I only drink what I really like, and I feel comfortable saying no if I don’t want it.
Letting go of perfection has given me the freedom to still want to better myself without the anxiety of failing. When I let go of this idea that I need to do things “perfectly,” I realized that it gave me even more stamina to keep going with my goals. No, I won’t be able to eliminate all my trash to a single mason jar. But I can still make a difference with the simple swaps I make at home.
The same applies to my health. Striving for balance instead of perfection allows me to enjoy myself without shame, while also still wanting a healthier overall lifestyle. During the holidays I’m going to eat more sweets or have a few more glasses of wine than normal, because tis’ the (damn) season, that’s what it’s all about. But during the rest of the year, I’m dedicated to wanting to take care of my health because I want to enjoy as much as my life for as long as I can. And yes, that includes an everything bagel at the local cafe after my Friday yoga class every week.
When I finally gave up on this idea of being perfect in my health, I ended up becoming the healthiest I’ve ever been. Why? Because when I finally slowed down, enjoyed the foods I love, and focused on balance rather than perfection, I found myself with a lot more stamina to make healthier choices because there’s no all-or-nothing mindset holding me back.
So whatever it is in your life—your health, your career, your environmental impact, your relationships—let go of perfection and try choosing balance. Let yourself float in the gray for a little while. You may find it easier to finally reach those goals you’ve always had when you give yourself the grace to take your time.
👯♀️ One twin eats vegan, the other eats meat. Whose health was better? This recent study published in JAMA Network evaluated the health of 22 different pairs of twins who followed either a vegan diet or an omnivore diet. They spilt up each pair and had them follow these two different diets and, no surprise, the study shows that a vegan diet with less saturated fat and more fiber resulted in lower LDL “bad” cholesterol levels, better blood sugar levels, and other improved health markers. However, on the topic of perfection, I kind of loved what the lead study author Christopher Gardner said regarding following a diet like this: while there was an improvement on overall health, people don’t have to go vegan to get the benefits. Cutting back on meat and animal byproducts while prioritizing fiber in the diet will still make a huge difference. Remember, balance—not perfection.
Read more on CNN.
🥣 Eat yogurt, be happy. Researchers from the University of Virginia’s School of Medicine found a link between eating Lactobacillus bacteria (found in yogurt/fermented foods) has been linked to decreased stress levels, as well as decreased feelings of depression and anxiety. This particular bacteria plays a big role in the gut; just another example of how gut health connects to so many other aspects of our health. Taking care of our gut health with foods that feed the gut (prebiotics, foods high in fiber) and replenish the gut (probiotics, like yogurt and fermented foods) can majorly make a difference for our mental health as well as our physical health.
Read more on AAAS.
Spanish Sardines on Toast by BBC Good Food: When the week is crazy busy and I find myself with no fresh produce to throw together a healthy lunch, sometimes tinned fish on toast just does the trick. This is one of my current faves.
Roasted Broccoli Cheddar Soup by The Original Dish: Winter is soup season, and this is one of my favorites. Part of me feels like I’ve probably shared this one before? If I have, I’m sorry…but if you haven’t made it yet this is your chance to do so.
Bottle of Wine Chocolate Pie by Food Network: Yes, it’s an entire bottle of wine in a pie. This was probably one of the craziest recipes I made. Not hard at all, just crazy how the wine, sugar, and cornstarch cooked together and became this really thick custard-like filling. If you’re looking for a unique pie to bring to a holiday party this season, this is it.
Photo by Aleksandra Dementeva on Unsplash