Why I gave up on meal planning

My so-called healthy practice eventually became unhealthy, so I got rid of my meal prep containers.

Back in college when my budget for groceries was the size of a pea, I came across this concept of meal planning. It’s not like it was necessarily new to me; my mom always had the same dinners on rotation growing up, so I always knew some planning was involved when it came to weeknight cooking. But when I learned the skill of planning out all of your meals and making lists and cooking food as a way to not only save money but eat healthy, my diet-culture obsessed butt was instantly sold. I would scroll through Pinterest and look for healthy meal prep recipes to plan, like overnight oats and honey sriracha chicken rice bowls and roasted veggie sheet pan dinners, then plan out everything I would eat for the entire week.

At first, I loved this concept. It made eating healthier even easier, and it certainly saved me money when I would go to the store. No more aimless wandering around Trader Joe’s trying to think through meal ideas and spending way too much that would eventually go bad in the back of my fridge and go to waste. No, I had a plan. And I felt all high and mighty and powerful because of it.

Little did I know that even the simple concept of meal planning and prepping would feed into my issues with food, and my obsession with trying to lose weight.

Now I won’t discount the fact that planning out meals for the week really was a huge money saver for me, and was key during the first few years of my marriage. We budgeted $50 a week for our food and had to keep things really tight and cheap for a while, and planning was the only way we really could ensure that we stayed within our budget.

Yet even then, the habit of constantly planning and prepping created this unhealthy obsession with what I was constantly putting in my body. I had every single meal mapped out for the entire week, and if that plan went slightly awry, I would spiral into the abyss of “I’m going to gain weight from this” or, worse, “I failed, so may as give up and just start again on Monday.”

Things got even worse when our budgets changed, and I had a little more money to spend. I could finally incorporate all of those high-quality ingredients and supplements influencers tell me to get into my routine, all in an effort to be “healthy.”

My growing career also got in the way of the plan over the years. I found myself coming to the kitchen after a late night at the desk with absolutely no effort to cook the healthy meal I had planned. Sometimes this meant asking my husband to cook, usually with recipes with ingredients not on my “approved” list. Other times it simply meant ordering takeout. In both cases, that anxiety would simply takeover. Queue downward spiral, try again on Monday.

What at first seemed like a healthy habit became a crutch in my ability to experience food freedom, and over the past couple of years, I’ve slowly had to let it go. Meal planning created this obsession of tracking very single morsel of food that went into my body, and hindered me from simply enjoying to cook and eat food.

At this point in my life, I’ve learned that “breaking up with your diet” isn’t just a one time thing; it’s actually a constant practice day-after-day. It means discovering new hindrances in your relationship with food, and freeing yourself from the lies that have poisoned your thoughts and actions for so long.

For some, meal planning and prepping might be freeing financially and even mentally. (No need to worry about cooking for the week if it’s already done!) This practice also saves you a lot of time, and is especially beneficial for anyone who doesn’t like to cook but wants to eat healthier during the week.

Yet for me, I found that meal planning and prepping no longer had any positive influence my life. It was causing unnecessary anxiety around what I was eating, anxiety about “failing” when things don’t go according to plan, and left little room for me to eat certain foods I enjoy or even what I need to during certain times of the month…if you know what I mean.

So…what now?

I gave up the plan. Instead, I’m cultivating a new balance of what I eat throughout the day. I’m listening to my hunger and fullness cues more; this practice actually had me learning that there are plenty of mornings I wake up and I’m actually not hungry yet. I’m enjoying the opportunity to simply cook what I want when I want it, keeping in mind my principles of incorporating a variety of fruits and vegetables throughout the week, as well as other high-fiber foods to keep my gut happy. I’m aiming for simplicity in the moments when I don’t feel like cooking a big meal, and find myself relying on foods in my pantry to get me through a quick lunch or dinner like a bowl of chickpea pasta mac and cheese, a packet of rice with canned chickpeas simmered in tikka masala, or tinned fish on toast.

Not having a plan week after week sometimes feels messy, but I find I’m healthier and happier for it. It’s fun to give myself the freedom of choice again, and to let myself cook what simply sounds good in the moment.

If you decided to attempt Dry January this year (maybe you’re toying with the idea of cutting out alcohol for a while, or even for good), I had the opportunity to try Katy Perry’s mocktail with her latest flavor of Dei Soi, the Tres Rose. It even impressed my cocktail-loving husband, so hey, that’s saying something!

Here’s the recipe: Katy Perry’s “Perfect” Tropical Mocktail